wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
