why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
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