I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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