trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
