my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
