i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
