Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
