I wish I could punch you in the face.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
