MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
