I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
