I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
