dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
