so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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