I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
