I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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