i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
