I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
