I can text with my tongue
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
