I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
