Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Is Oprah even human
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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