"it" just moved
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Randomize
