this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
