You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
