these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
