I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I lost the right to judge tonight
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
