this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
