oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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