you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
