did you get engaged???
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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