is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
