i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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