just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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