Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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