He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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