I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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