Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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