I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
