Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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