Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
