All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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