we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
