Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
this boner is exhausting
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
