he puts the penis in happiness.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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