I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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