hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
