I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
