Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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