i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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