So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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