the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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