Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
