Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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